


sixteen

by unitchiefprentiss



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9915188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitchiefprentiss/pseuds/unitchiefprentiss
Summary: emily prentiss meets fiona duncan at sixteen in italy. fiona is always there for her when she needs her.





	

i. emily prentiss is sixteen. she's sad and lonely and she doesn't want to be here. she doesn't even know where "here" is really. she'd been invited to this party out of pity by some kid she doesn't know. she has no idea why she showed up. sitting on a bed in an unfamiliar bedroom in an unfamiliar house seemed better than sitting on her own bed alone at home. at least here she has alcohol, ever since "The Incident," as emily affectionately refers to it, her mother's been much more strict on her. that means the locks have been changed on the liquor cabinet and her nanny actually cares about where she is. 

although her mother had tried to keep the details of emily's abortion completely private, kids still found out. emily's been getting stares in the hallway for months now. people have told her she's going to hell, she's told them to go fuck themselves. she doesn't let it bother her; she knows any day now her mother is going to tell her she's been given a new posting and they simply must move immediately and to please pack up quickly. 

she wants to go home, but she's not ready for her nanny (that she doesn’t need) to scold her for sneaking out and telling her mother. she sighs and crushes her empty plastic cup. she'd only had one drink all night and it had only made her sadder. she jumps when someone swings the door open. 

"oh, sorry. wrong door." the girl emily knows but can't remember her name says a little drunkenly. emily just smiles softly back. the girl sways a bit on her feet and tucks her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. she steps farther into the room and closes the door behind her. "you want some company?" 

emily shrugs. she doesn't, but she this is the first time anyone really looked at her in months. the girl comes to sit by emily on the bed. they're leaning up against the headboard, ther legs hanging off to the side. 

"you're emily, right?" the girl asks. emily nods slowly, immediately going into full alert. if this girl is here to talk about The Incident, she's going to leave. she has her right foot on the carpet ready to flee if she has to. 

"you sit in front of me in world history." the girl offers. "i'm fiona." 

emily nods, relaxing a little bit. "that's where i've seen you before." 

"ah, you do talk." fiona says, her tone light.

"don't really have many people to talk to." emily shrugs honestly. she crosses her arms in front of her protectively. fiona picks up on this and inches away from emily ever so slightly. 

"you could talk to me. i mean...if you want." fiona says softly. 

emily furrows her brows. 

"your mom's an ambassador, right?" fiona asks. 

emily nods. 

"my dad's in the foreign service." fiona clarifies. "i think they've worked together before." 

"i'm sure my mom knows your dad better than she knows me." emily mutters. she feels fiona's   
hand clasp over hers. they don't say anything for a long time. they just sit together. it's nice. emily hasn't felt this close to anyone in a really long time. it's weird, because she usually hangs out with guys. but she thinks she could be friends with fiona.

"i...i think you're really pretty, emily. and you always make like, two points higher than me on every assignemnt. i like smart girls." fiona blurts, stunning emily. 

emily's head spins. does emily want to flirt back? does she like girls? so many thoughts flood her head all at once and she feels like she can't breathe. she has to leave. she starts to get up but fiona grabs her arm gently. 

"i'm a little bit drunk, but i'm still gay regardless. i'm sorry if this is weird. you can leave, i won't tell anyone or talk to you ever again. i've just been trying to get the nerve to talk to you for weeks." fiona tells her, a light blush creeping up on her cheeks. emily's stomach flip flops a little and she doesn't know why. she bites her lip. 

"i...um. i like boys. at least...i used to. i think." emily stutters and she hates it because she's always been so articulate. she sees fiona;s face fall and she speaks quickly. "but...but i think i could like girls, too. at least...i could like you." emily admits. 

"we don't have to...do anything. not right now anyway. i...uh, well i've been crushing on you for awhile, but i'm a really patient person." fiona says. 

emily nods, thankful for her understanding. she doesn't know how or when it happens but suddenly she's moving in and kissing fiona and fiona is so caught off guard it takes her a good 30 seconds to start kissing emily back. 

emily is sixteen and she likes girls. she lets fiona kiss her and touch her and whisper in her ear and make her feel worthy of something. 

ii. emily is twenty-six. she's "home" in D.C. with her mother for two weeks before she heads off to chicago to join the fbi. from there, she wants to join the cia. if she does that, she'll never have to come home for holidays again. she knows that's petty and she should be mature when it comes to her mother, but she doesn't think they'll have a relationship and she wishes elizabeth would finally realize that. 

she's kind of nervous to start her career. she got her master's and went straight to the fbi academy. it's the first august in years she hasn't been preparing for classes. she misses the familiarity, but she's ready. whatever they throw at her, she'll be ready. 

emily is in her childhood bedroom--the only "permanent" home she ever had growing up was her house in D.C. that she stayed at when her mother was between assignments. she likes this house, she wishes she could have grown up here her whole life. she's grateful in hindsight of all the cultures she's been able to experience and all the languages she's learned, but sometimes she wishes her childhood had been normal. 

she has no idea what to do tonight. it's not like she has any friends in the city anymore, and elizabeth probably won't come out of her office til late. emily sighs and picks up her well worn copy of slaughterhouse 5, ready to reread it for the tenth time. she gets about 4 chapters in when there's a knock on her door. 

"yeah?" she asks, confused. the door creaks open and fiona is standing there. emily blinks dumbfoundedly, dropping her book without marking the page. "fiona?"

"hi...i know i probably should have called. my dad mentioned your mom was in the city and i wanted to see if you were here...but i couldn't make myself dial the number so i just started walking and ended up here. that sounds so pathetic..." fiona rambles. emily smiles, she thinks it's cute. 

"come here, sit down." emily says as she pats the empty space next to her on the bed. fiona crawls up on the bed and anxiously starts to pick at a thread on her jeans. "what's wrong?" emily asks. 

"nothing's wrong really...i just...well, i missed you. and i know we ended things kind of bad. i wasn't sure if you wanted to see me." fiona tells her, avoiding eye contact. an unusual behavior for her. 

emily nods. she and fiona haven't been on great terms since undergrad. they stayed friends in high school, until emily moved back to the states for her senior year and fiona's dad stayed in italy. because of fiona emily learned that she did in fact like girls the same way she liked boys, and she knew they'd always have a connection because of that. they both ended up at yale, and they tried to date seriously. but they were both so dedicated to their respective career paths that it didn't work out. they fought a lot and didn't speak much anymore. 

"it's no ones fault. we're both just too stubborn to be serious girlfriends." emily jokes, but it's the truth. so many people her age are already married with a kid and she hasn't had a partner for more than 3 months in her whole life.   
"yeah, i guess. but...i do miss you." fiona says honestly, cautiously putting her hand on emily's thigh. 

emily raises an eyebrow. "is this some weird lesbian booty call you haven't taught me?" 

fiona laughs, it's throaty and beautiful and emily could listen to it all day. 

"no, it's not. we don't have to do anything." fiona tells her. 

"we always say that." emily says as she plants a kiss to fiona's jawline. "but then we always end up right here." 

fiona laughs again and suddenly emily is underneath her and fiona is straddling her hips and she can't remember the last time she was this turned on. emily is twenty-six but suddenly she's sixteen again. 

iii. emily is thirty-six. she put declan on a plane 8 weeks ago and doyle got sent to prison. everything was over, the case, her time with cia. she was deciding what to do with her career next. clyde told her she could go anywhere she wanted. he would make the paperwork look legitimate. she'd come from a chicago office desk job and she could be anything she wanted.

nobody would have to know she spent the last year of her life fucking an arms dealer for intel. no one would ever know she sent declan away to keep him safe. nobody would ever know the empty space she carries around in her heart for that little boy that wasn't quite hers. 

emily thinks she wants to join the bau. she knows with her background, she'd make an excellent profiler. she knows her ability to fluently speak 7 languages will make her a great profiler. the only thing holding her back is that it's in D.C.. she doesn't want to live there again. it's too close to her mother (who isn't even in the states) and too close to everything she's distanced herself from. 

she knows she'll end up going there. not for anything or anyone in particular, but it is her dream job. she'll wake up every day not knowing for sure if she'll come home or jet across the country to catch a killer. it sounds amazing, and she wants to do it. 

she's not the same person she once was. the doyle case has changed her and hallowed her in ways she didn't know it would. she knew it would be hard. she knew it would come close to breaking her. she'd had to take so many courses and psych evals and see so many psychologists. since she's been back, she's had an appointment three times a week. she hardly talks, but clyde is making her go. she knows it's good for her, but she doesn't want to talk about it. 

she doesn't want to talk about how she feels like she'll never feel safe having sex again. she doesn't want to talk about how she sees his face every time she closes her eyes, and it doesn't always give her nightmares. she doesn't want to admit that the "at home" version of ian doyle is so vastly different than the arms dealer she'd profiled. she can never admit that some days she liked hanging out with him and declan. 

and oh god, she can't even mention declan. 

everything is too much. she wants to forget. she wants to erase everything about interpol from her mind. at least for the time being. she wants to feel something besides overwhelming guilt and self hatred. she wants to feel something. 

she takes the profiling job. 

her first day is terrible. no one trusts her. hotch and gideon clearly don't want her there. they won't even give her a desk. she has to carry her box of stuff out and face everyone's stares. carrying a box out means you got fired, or you quit. it never meant anything good. 

she goes home and knows she'll get on the team no matter what she has to do. she could call clyde and have this all cleared up in minutes, but she doesn't want to. she wants to do this herself.   
but tonight, she wants to be reckless. 

emily sits on her couch in her brand new D.C. apartment as she looks out the huge glass window over the city. she's wrapped snugly in a blanket and a bottle of wine is open in front of her. two glasses in, she realizes she doesn't want to be alone. 

she grabs her phone and dials a familiar number. 

"emily?" fiona answers. 

"sorry, were you asleep?" emily asks, noting the late hour. 

"no." fiona lies. "what's up?" 

emily sighs. "i'm here. in D.C." she says. 

"like...permanently?" fiona asks. 

"for now." emily says. "um...do you want to come over?" 

an hour later fiona knocks on the door. emily lets her in. fiona's hair is pulled back into a ponytail and she's only wearing jeans and a t-shirt but emily can't stop staring. 

"emily?" fiona asks. "are you okay?" 

emily shakes her head. "not really. but i will be." she says as she loops her fingers around fiona's belt loops and pulls the brunette closer to her, kissing her hard. 

fiona doesn't say anything. she knows what emily needs. this is their relationship. when they're in town and they need release, they call each other. they hang out without fucking sometimes too, but they know each other well enough to know what the other needs in times like this.

fiona drags emily to emily's bedroom and makes emily lay down on her back on the bed. she strips emily's yoga pants off and makes her come in 10 minutes.

it's everything emily needed. she didn't think about doyle one time. she didn't see his face when she closed her eyes and gasped fiona's name. 

emily prentiss is thirty-six and sometimes she just wants to feel sixteen again. 

iv. emily prentiss is forty six. everything is falling apart. reid is in jail, reid might not come out for 25 years. he might get life. she knows this isn't her fault. she knows this is all scratch and there's nothing anyone could have done to stop this. but she blames herself. 

she should have pushed reid harder to talk to her. she should have more protective details on the team already, even though she has the highest protection available to them. 

she knows the evidence against reid is so compelling that if she were on the jury, she'd find him guilty. she knows there's nothing she can do.

she knows fiona tried. she knows fiona is going to keep trying. they haven't spoken in a while, but as soon as emily called fiona dropped everything to help her. 

fiona meets emily outside the courtroom. she's talking to her team, hugging them all and trying to keep her tears at bay. she promises the she's going to do whatever she has to do to fix this. she won't let reid stay in jail. she can't. hotch wouldn't, and neither would she. 

the team disperses, and when emily thinks no one's looking she ducks into the bathroom. she puts her hands on the counter and looks at herself in the mirror before she finally starts to cry.

fiona follows her and comes up behind her and wraps her arms around her waist. she holds emily tightly while she cries. she doesn't say anything, and emily is thankful for this moment to break and feel safe in fiona’s arms.

she pulls away from fiona and turns around so they're facing each other. 

"emily, i'm so sorry." emily bites her lip. 

"you tried. you're still trying. that's all i can ask of you." 

"i'll figure something out." fiona promises. 

"he didn't do this, fiona. he...he would never do this." emily starts to cry again. 

"i believe you, em." fiona whispers, wiping a stray tear off emily's cheek with her thumb. "i believe him, too." 

emily lets fiona pull her into a hug and she cries on her shoulder for a few minutes. emily is so glad no one comes in. she hasn't let herself break like this in so long; but it's reid and how is she supposed to stay strong when it's reid? 

"do you want to stay at my place tonight?" fiona asks. "there's nothing we can do until morning. if you want to help him, you have to take care of yourself too. let me take care of you." fiona whispers. her voice is so calming and warm emily would agree to anything. 

emily just nods in thanks. she follows fiona like a sad puppy out of the courthouse and to the parking lot. she took a cab here, she was too nervous to drive. fiona drives emily to her apartment. they go inside and fiona gives her some pajamas and suggests she showers. 

emily says she'll only shower if fiona showers with her.

she wants to feel guilty for suggesting anything. reid is in jail for god's sake. but she doesn't. she knows tomorrow she'll wake up and get to work on helping him. she'll get him out of there even if she has to bust him out herself. 

fiona makes her come in the shower, and emily makes her come on the bed. 

emily is forty-six and god dammit does she wish she was sixteen again.


End file.
